Deadlift Challenge #2

Last year I did a deadlift challenge, and it went pretty well. Here's the post for that: http://www.crushingpavement.com/2015/10/80-day-deadlift-challenge.html

I made some mistakes and learned from that experience. Here's that post: http://www.crushingpavement.com/2016/01/80-day-deadlift-challenge-lessons.html

I've decided to do another deadlift challenge. But I'm going to vary the format pretty significantly. Most of it is stolen from this T-Nation article: https://www.t-nation.com/training/tip-deadlift-daily-to-get-stronger

Here is my current plan, although I may adjust it as time goes on. Edit 11/18: I'm going to insert more rest days. The combination of daily deadlifts, running, biking, and swimming is destroying my legs. I'm not going to make any gains if my legs are perpetually shredded. I won't be following the schedule below exactly.

Monday -  Max Speed lift. 8 sets of 3 at 60% max weight, trying to get the weight up as fast as possible.

Tuesday - Near max lift. 10 sets of singles at 90% max weight.

Wednesday - Pause x 2 lifts. 6 sets of 5 at 75% weight where I pause the lift at two points.

Thursday - Do a single rep every 30 seconds at 85% max.

Friday - PR day. Work up through some sets and attempt a new max lift.

Saturday - Tension lifts. Do 10 sets of 5 at just 135 pounds, but maintain maximum tension the entire time.

Sunday - Crosstraining. Squats, pull-ups, and maybe something else.

For more details on these, check out the T-nation article above. By following this routine, I'm hoping it will be more engaging than last year's challenge, where I did the same thing every day. It should also help prevent injury.

After I finish the deadlifts, I'll finish out the workout every day with some kind of upper body lift, time permitting, and then some reverse crunches.

On top of all this, I will continue doing cardio. I've signed up for the Mont Tremblant Ironman next year (http://www.ironman.com/triathlon/events/americas/ironman/mont-tremblant.aspx#/axzz4MmrflOlm). That means I have to swim, bike, and run.

Swimming will be the most challenging to schedule, as the best time to hit the pool is in the morning before work. On those days I'll probably have to get up at about 5am to do the deadlifts and have enough time to swim. The biking and running I'll do after work, and I'll do long workouts on the weekends.

Empire State marathon

I ran my 4th marathon of the year this past Sunday (10/9), the Empire State Marathon. I started my lifting challenge on Monday. My training schedule this year is going to be pretty tight due to the triathlons next season, so I don't have the luxury of a prolonged rest break (although I'm sure my friends will yell at me for this). I will update this post with my daily progress.

Monday 10/10 - Day 1
Deadlift: Warm-up x16; Max Speed 10 x 3 at 225lbs.
Chest Fly.
1 mile swim.
3 mile post-marathon shake out run.

Tuesday 10/11 - Day 2
Deadlift: Warm-up x12; 225 x 10; Near Max 8 singles at 350lbs. I cut the last two as my legs are still sore.
Bench press, incline press, decline press, reverse crunches.

Wednesday 10/12 - Day 3
Deadlift: Warm-up x15; Pause 6x5 at 275lbs.
Reverse crunches.
4 mile run.

Thursday 10/13 - Day 4
Deadlift: 2 sets of Warm-ups x12; 85% every 30 seconds for 10 mins at 325lbs. This was tough!
Reverse crunches.
2/3 mile swim.

Friday 10/14 - Day 5
Deadlift: PR day!
Warm-up x15
225 x 12295 x 9
345 x 3365 x 1
375 x 1375 x 1 ... I forgot to add 5 pounds, but I'm glad for that because this was def my max (with proper form)
Reverse crunch

"I can't believe I'm doing this before 6am."

Saturday 10/15 - Day 6
Deadlift: Max tension. 10x5 at 140lbs.
Reverse Crunch
Baltimore marathon (26.2 miles)

Sunday 10/16 - Day 7
Cross training day
Squats: 135 x 15, 225 x 12, 275 x 9, 295 x 8, 305 x 7
Pull-ups 3 sets; reverse crunch x 30
37 mile bicycle

Monday 10/17 - Day 8
Deadlift: Warm-up x20; Max Speed 8 x 3 at 225lbs.
Curls, rows, reverse crunches
1 hour swim
13 mile run

Tuesday 10/18 - Day 9
Deadlift: Warm-up x12; 225 x 10; Near Max 10 singles at 340lbs.
Triceps, reverse crunches.

Wednesday 10/19 - Day 10
Deadlift: Warm-up x12; Pause 6x5 at 280lbs.
Reverse crunches.
3 mile run.

Thursday 10/20 - Day 11
Deadlift: Warm-up x15; 225 x 10; 85% every 30 seconds for 10 mins at 320lbs.
Reverse crunches.
1000 meter swim.
9 mile interval tempo run.

"That run sucked."

Friday 10/21 - Day12
Deadlift: Max tension. 10x5 at 135lbs. I've been sick all week and was feeling awful this morning, so I swapped today's workout with tomorrow's.
Reverse Crunch
1 hour spin

Saturday 10/22 - Day 13
Deadlift: PR day
Warm-up x20
225 x 15
295 x 9
345 x 4
375 x 2
380 x 1
385 x 1
Reverse crunches

385 pounds!

Sunday 10/23 - Day 14
Crosstraining
Squats 135 x 20, 225 x 15, 295 x 8, 315 x 7, 325 x 6
Pull-ups x10, x9, x9
Crunches
2500 meter swim
13 mile run

Monday 10/24 - Day 15
Deadlift: Warm-up x12; Max speed 10 x 3 at 230lbs.
Curls, shrugs, crunches.
11 mile run

Tuesday 10/25 - Day 16
Deadlift: Warm-up x15; 225 x 10; Near Max 10 singles at 345lbs.
Crunches
1200 meter swim

Wednesday 10/26 - Day 17
Deadlift: Warm-up x15; Pause 6x5 at 290lbs.
Reverse crunches.
4 mile run.

Thursday 10/27 - Day 18
Deadlift: Warm-up x15; 225 x 12; 85% every 30 seconds for 10 mins at 325lbs.
Reverse crunches
1200 meter swim
Hour and a half bike trainer

Friday 10/28 - Day 19
Deadlift: Max tension. 10x5 at 135lbs.
Reverse Crunch

Saturday 10/29 - Day 20
Deadlift: PR day
Warm-up x22
225 x 16
295 x 10
345 x 5
375 x 3
390 x 1
395 x 1
10 mile run

Sunday 10/30 - Day 21
Pull-ups
10K (10 miles total running)
1 hour bike trainer

10K. Photo Cr. Brian Simpson.

Monday 10/31 - Day 22
Max Speed
Warm-up x15
235 x 3, 10 sets
Chest fly
Curls
1 hour bike trainer

Tuesday 11/1 - Day 23
Warm-up x15; 225 x 10; Near Max 10 singles at 355lbs.
Hanging knee raises
1250 yard swim

Wednesday 11/2 - Day 24
Deadlift: Warm-up x15; Pause 6x5 at 295lbs.
Reverse crunches.
4 mile run.

Thursday 11/3 - Day 25
Deadlift: Warm-up x15; 225 x 12; 85% every 30 seconds for 10 mins at 335lbs.
Bicycle crunches
1000 yard swim
12 mile run

Friday 11/4 - Day 26
Deadlift: Max tension. 10x5 at 135lbs.
Max lift at 400lbs.

Saturday 11/5 - Day 27
Warm-up x20
225 x 15
300 x8, x8, x8
2 min plank
135 min bike trainer

Sunday 11/6 - Day 28
Warm-up x15
Clean & press 60lbs x5, x6, x6
Pull-up x9, x9, x9
Reverse and bicycle crunches

Monday 11/7 - Day 29
Max Speed
Warm-up x15
240 x 3, 10 sets
Chin-ups
Crunches
1 hour 20 min bike trainer

Tuesday 11/8 - Day 30
Warm-up x15; 225 x 12; Near Max 10 singles at 360lbs.
Hanging knee raises
1300 yard swim

Wednesday 11/9 - Day 31
Deadlift: Warm-up x15; Pause 6x5 at 300lbs.
5 mile run.


Thursday 11/10
Rest from deadlifts
12 mile run

Running in the daaaark

Friday 11/11 - Day 32

Deadlift: Warm-up x20; 225 x14; 85% every 30 seconds for 10 mins at 340lbs.
Reverse crunches
1.5 hour bike trainer

Saturday 11/12 - Day 33
Max Tension 10x5 at 135lbs.
405 lbs. attempted max. I got it up but wasn't happy with my form, so I won't count it.
35 min bike trainer

Sunday 11/13 - Day 34
Clean & press 60lbs 4 sets
13.5 mile run

Monday 11/14 - Day 35
Max Speed
Warm-up x18
240 x 3, 10 sets
1 mile swim35 min bike trainer

Tuesday 11/15 - Day 36
Warm-up x15; 225 x 10; Near Max 10 singles at 360lbs.
Leg raises 

Wednesday 11/16 - Day 37
Deadlift: Warm-up x15; Pause 6x5 at 300lbs.
4.5 mile run.


Thursday 11/17
Rest. I'm going to take more rest days so I don't destroy my legs. Edited the beginning of the post above.


Friday 11/18 - Day 38 
Deadlift: Warm-up x15; 225 x12; 85% every 30 seconds for 10 mins at 340lbs.
Reverse crunches
Half hour swim
10 mile run

Saturday 11/19 - Day 39
Max Tension 10x5 at 135lbs.
30 mile bike ride
5K transition run

Sunday 11/20
10 miles of running

Monday 11/21 - Day 40
Deadlift: Warm-up x15; Max speed 240 x 3, 10 sets
Chest fly; curls
100 minutes stationary bike

Tuesday 11/22
1250 yard swim

Wednesday 11/23
8 mile run

Thursday 11/24
Turkey Trot 5K. 11 miles total running

All that running made me hot!

Friday 11/25 - Day 41
Deadlifts: Warm-up x20; 225 x 15; Near max 10 singles at 360.
Reverse crunch
8 mile run

Saturday 11/26
2000 yard swim
2.5 hours stationary bike

Sunday 11/27 - Day 42
Deadlift: Warm-up x20; Pause 6x5 at 305lbs.
410 x1
415 x1. New max!
11.5 mile run

Monday 11/28
Chest fly; curls; reverse crunch
80 min stationary bike

Tuesday 11/29 - Day 43
Deadlift: Warm-up x15; 225 x12; 85% every 30 seconds for 10 mins at 350lbs.
1/2 mile swim

Wednesday 11/30
6 mile run

Thursday 12/01 - Day 44
Deadlifts - Max Tension 10x5 at 135lbs.
Reverse crunches; regular crunches

Friday 12/02
Half hour swim
Half marathon (13.1 miles run) 

Saturday 12/03 - Day 45
Deadlift: Warm-up x15; Max speed 250 x 3, 10 sets
Reverse crunch
1 mile swim
2 hour spin 

Sunday 12/04
17 mile run

Monday 12/05 - Day 46
Deadlifts: Warm-up x20; 225 x 15; Near max 10 singles at 360.
Reverse crunch

Tuesday 12/06
1000 yard swim

Wednesday 12/07
6 mile run

Thursday 12/08 - Day 47
Deadlift: Warm-up x20; Pause 6 sets of 5 at 310lbs.
Reverse crunch
8 mile run
Half hour run

Friday 12/09
Half hour swim
5 mile run

Saturday 12/10 - Day 48
Deadlift: Max day!
Warm-up x20
225 x15
315 x 8
365 x 4
420 x 1
425 x 1
Reverse crunch
1250 yard swim
110 min stationary bike

Sunday 12/11
11 mile run

Monday 12/12 - Day 49
Warm-up x15
225 x10
295 x8
320 x6
345 x6
395 x3
Chest fly 3 sets
8 mile run 

Tuesday 12/13
Half hour swim

Wednesday 12/14
10K run
Thursday 12/15
10 mile run

Coooooold

Friday 12/16 - Day 50
Warm-up x15
225 x 12
295 x 10
365 x 4
365 x 4
365 x 6
Half hour swim
Fast 5k run
1 hour stationary bike 

Saturday 12/17
1 mile swim

Sunday 12/18
15 mile run
25 mile stationary bike

Monday 12/19 - Day 51
Warm-up x 18
225 x 15
295 x 10
345 x 7
365 x 6
365 x 6
Curls 3 sets
Reverse crunch

Wineglass Marathon 2016

When I was growing up, my parents read a lot of Eastern philosophy. I borrowed many of their books: Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, Jane Roberts' Nature of Personal Reality, Satyam Nadeen's From Onions to Pearls, and so on.

Enlightenment means living in a state of bliss. But bliss doesn't mean "always happy." It means accepting that all emotions are a vital part of life, and that you can learn to appreciate - and in fact relish - every single one. I personally am not interested in enlightenment, as it sounds really boring. I enjoy my ego too much. But I do try to appreciate everything life throws at me, not just the good stuff.

This past weekend had both pain and joy. And it's easy to say, "well I'd definitely prefer the part where you had an awesome party full of laughs, partial nudity, and ice cream with a bunch of amazing people." But it would have been impossible without our shared love for something that inherently requires one to embrace pain: Running.

Ice cream and partial nudity. Oh oops, wrong picture!

Normal parties are fun, and I've gone to plenty. But I generally feel empty afterwards. They're like potato chips. They feel good at the time, but immediately leave you craving for more. What I experienced Sunday was electric, and I still feel good thinking back on it, like a pervasive current that infuses me with warmth. I can't imagine anyway to replicate that. It's the sort of love that only comes from sharing in- and helping one another through- a prolonged suffering.

Ice cream and pants were wildly flung about, and we all just thought, "this is totally fine. Great in fact." After voluntarily beating up our bodies - and watching our friends beat up theirs - for hours, every quirk and eccentricity we discovered about one another just added flavor to our already-huge appreciation of one another. But I'm getting too far ahead of myself. Let me talk about Wineglass first.

Wineglass Marathon was a truly amazing experience.

I traveled to Corning with Meghan, Geoffrey, and his daughter Aria on Saturday. Aria had been training hard for the half marathon, and Meghan and Geoffrey were going to run it with her to support her rekindled love of running. So the weekend immediately started with a strong sense of family and generosity. A sense that would suffuse my entire experience. Running is hard, but it's a bit easier with constant love and encouragement.

We went to the expo, which was exactly the same as last year's expo, except the booth that sold shoe charms moved. I got a 2016 Wineglass charm to go with the 2015 charm. I checked out the many pieces at the Museum of Glass. I always feel really nervous there, like I'm going to trip and smash, just, everything. Not one or two things. But all of the things. I didn't break anything though.

I didn't break this either!

The real highlight of Saturday was the LUNAR (Lace Up Now and Run) meet-up. Most of these folks I'd only seen online, and finally seeing them in person was somewhat surreal. Everyone recognized me immediately because I wore my kilt. Shawn was there, despite still recovering from his recent brain surgery. That was really inspiring, seeing our captain looking strong as ever, supporting us on our races.

As I expected, the LUNARs were all really positive and fun. It didn't feel like meeting new people; it felt like a family reunion. Because that's what we all were: family. Except there was no surly aunt or mildly racist grandpa. Just good vibes among a bunch of crazy runners. It didn't really matter where we came from or how we grew up. We were all bound together as runners.

Running isn't just a hobby. It empowers you physically, mentally, and spiritually. You can't punish yourself for that long and that hard without tearing down all the crap inside of you and building yourself back up. I could sense that strength, will, and appreciation for living that all these folks had. The energy was palpable. Of course it helped that most of us had been tapering for a while.

Shawn!

After that we went to the pasta dinner. Geoffrey, Meghan, Aria and I showed up late and there wasn't anywhere for us to sit. Finally someone offered us four seats right in front of the podium. Wow that was so great! And then we realized who we sat with: Bart Yasso. Bart works for Runners World. He has run on all seven continents. He is a pillar of the running community, and a very generous and wonderful man all around.

But I didn't know that about him. I knew he was well-known and respected because of how excited everyone was. I'd heard about the Yasso 800s, and I knew he designed the Lehigh Valley course. And even though I crashed and burned on that course, it was still very nice! And the train totally wasn't his fault.

Then he spoke and presented a slide show, and I was blown away. He ran in Antarctica, and he has the pictures of penguins and seals to prove it. He ran a marathon around Mount Everest, after hiking for ten days to get there. He ran the Bad Water ultramarathon: 146 brutal miles through Death Valley. He has dodged rhinoceroses, run in South Africa, run naked, and countless other crazy things. And he shared all his stories with playfulness and humility.

Meghan and Geoffrey with Bart Yasso!

I saw this reflected in the LUNARs and other runners I saw that weekend. They don't run for recognition, and despite how hard we push ourselves and how often we break, we can still laugh about our grueling experiences. And Bart loves the community. He has spent most of his life putting energy into it so it can blossom. And much of the camaraderie and success we enjoy are thanks to people like him, and people like Shawn.

Geoffrey and I had two helpings of dinner. I'm not sure if it was "all you can eat", but we definitely did. Then we loitered in our hotel room for a while. I thought I was going to have to sleep on the floor, but Meghan got me a cot. She's like a sorceress when it comes to real life. If it was up to me and Geoffrey, we would've slept in a port-o-potty next to the starting line.

We woke up at 4:30AM. Aria had told us that she had literally never gotten up that early. We mocked her relentlessly. Partly because we wanted to show off how "adult" we were for getting up early to do our shit every day. But mostly because we were obscenely jealous and couldn't remember what sleep actually felt like. We drank too much coffee (just kidding; there's no such thing as too much) and got on our buses. The three of them got on the half-marathon bus.

Buses.

I waited for Brian Simpson and rode the marathon bus with him. You'll remember him from this post:  Running Until His Last Breath. He was running the full marathon, 10% lung capacity be da#*ed. I met him the day before at the LUNAR meet-up. Unlike the others, it didn't feel weird to meet him in person for the first time. I felt like I already knew him really well.

What Brian didn't know was that I was running the marathon with him. He already had his friend Jill running with him, but I figured the more support the better! Jill is a truly amazing person. She has run many races with Brian, and always anticipates his needs along the way. She makes sure he stays alive. It was yet one more amazing show of runners supporting one another.

It was the longest I have ever run, in terms of time on my feet. It took us about 5 hours and 42 minutes to complete the marathon. Despite that it didn't feel long. I enjoyed it the whole time, running with two awesome people. I got to really engage with the volunteers and spectators, and to enjoy the scenery. And I was able to post updates of Brian's progress along the way. I did my best to keep our spirits up with my kilted tomfoolery.

Many updates along the way!

Brian was pretty solid for the first 20 miles. The last 10k were tough. But he never gave up, or even thought of giving up. He only rested exactly how much he needed to, and then pushed himself to keep going. I was proud and amazed by his perseverance. There was never any pity from me or Jill when he struggled. Just respect.

Despite how long it took us to reach the finish, our LUNAR friends were there to cheer us across the mat. Geoffrey, who also coaches Brian, joined us for the final stretch. We were awash with cheers and love as we sprinted to the end. Whatever exhaustion I experienced evaporated in that moment. There are very few times in life when hours of physical torment can be converted directly into euphoria. It's transcendent.

60 and still kicking a$$!

The rest of the afternoon and evening was filled with an incredible amount of food and adventure. I can't remember ever having so much fun with a group of people, especially ones I had only just recently met face-to-face. I wish I could name all of the individuals who made the evening both amazing and hilarious but I will respect their anonymity. However, if any of your boisterous fools contacts me, I will totally update this post with whatever hilarious personal tales and photos you wish to share!

We ate: Pizza, ice cream, chicken wings, cake, more ice cream, pumpkin spice popcorn, more pizza, and still more ice cream. We listened to Radiohead on a jury-rigged setup. We made kilts out of towels and had a photoshoot. I hope everyone involved tells me, "post those pics now"... because I want to post those pics! But I'll wait. Trust me when I say it was exactly as ridiculous as it sounds. Underwear ended up in the kitchen. Innocent bystanders were flashed. It was fantastic.

I was more comfortable with these folks than with friends I've known for decades. We teased, we joked, we flirted, and we laughed so hard that tears streamed out of our eyes. I can't even remember what was said. It was the vibe. We were all high on sugar and endorphins and it oozed out of us as a wave of slightly-inappropriate humor and affection.

That's not a river. It's our inappropriate oozings!

Everyone seemed to have the attitude of, "we've seen shit, we've gone through shit, and nothing you can say or do would shock us. So just let it rip." And we did. And it was good. Again, I wish I could name everyone in person and share more specific stories. There's no way I could possibly replicate the joy of the evening with my meager words. Just, WOW. Thinking about it now is making me giddy and high all over again.

That night, I slept amazingly well and had good dreams.

Sometimes I push myself too hard. Sometimes I get burned out. Sometimes I feel crushingly alone. And then sometimes I have a weekend like I did in Corning, and I realize:

I love running.

I love the running community.

I love how I feel when I push myself past my limits, and watch others do the same, to achieve something we used to think was impossible.

And I love watching this group of exhausted and broken people get together and somehow whip together a level of energy that would power a rocketship.

A rocketship wrapped in a kilt, topped with ice cream, and blasting Weezer as it roars into the stratosphere.

Turning Point

I'm writing this post in our room at the Radisson Hotel in Corning, NY. I'm here with Meghan, Geoffrey, and his daughter Aria. Which, among other things, means I have to sleep on the floor. I thought I would have two cushions available, but one of the cushions doesn't detach from the chair. I made up for it with cookies.

We met up with a large number of amazing LUNAR (Lace Up Now And Run) runners downstairs. I was easily recognizable as the dork in a kilt. It was especially inspiring to get to see Shawn again. He's only just recently regained his ability to walk on his own after going through brain surgery for the third time. The fact that he and his awesome wife drove up to see us was amazing.

Shawn is awesome!

After that we got to hear Bart Yasso speak! Bart! He showed us a slide show of all the places around the world that he's run: South Africa, Antarctica, Death Valley, Mount Freakin' Everest.... Just, I can't even remember. His stories were unbelievable. At some point he had to run away from a rhinoceros. And cross a river with crocodiles. I can't even remember everything. His stories were colossal.

Bart is awesome!

But being in the presence of so many amazing people that inspire me was just the cap of a long week of developing relationships with folks who, on the street I may pass by without a second glance, but who turned out to have incredible stories and an incredible capacity to teach me.

You see, I participated in a week long leadership program called Turning Point. Usually when you find out you're taking a program like that, it illicits groans. But it turned to be a truly singular experience. I can honestly say I was surprised by how much I learned about myself along the way. I wish I could thank the facilitators and individuals who made the program so great, but I'll maintain their anonymity here.

I got up at 5am every day to work out in the dark. Then I drove an hour to a lodge to spend each day with 25 strangers. The days were very mentally and emotionally draining (but in a good way). Then I drove home and worked out more. Then I went to bed too late. Rinse, repeat. Exhausting.

Running in the daaaaaark.

What amazed me on the first day was how quickly the 25 of us came together and developed comfort and trust with one another. This usually involved exercises that threw us right into the deep end, forcing us to communicate and work together. We quickly developed the trust, teamwork, and leadership to guide one another through various challenges. In order to avoid making this post overlong, I'll try to focus on what I learned.

On the first day I learned how people perceive one another, and how easy it is to get a false or skewed perception. If I'm focused on something, my communication may be very short. This can cause folks to see me as being rude or dismissive. And I realized how often I have perceived others this way, and how often they likely perceive me in the same way. I realized how critical communication is. Even regarding seemingly trivial things. Something as simple as putting a smiley at the end of an email can make a big difference.

On the second day, one of the exercises we did was called Lifeline. Each of us drew a historical line graph of our entire life. It was a deeply personal experience. But what I was blown away is just how much $hit folks have suffered through in each of their lives. Some of the stories I heard were just.... unbelievable. And each of these people, these folks who seemed totally cool and normal, have gone through some massive - and downright brutal - challenges and come out the other side.

I have written before about suffering. Your friends on Facebook will just post the highlights of their lives online. And it's easy to believe that everyone else has an amazing life, and you're the only person who sucks. But after hearing everyone's tales, I realized this is simply not true. I am not alone. You are not alone. And it's easy to write that. The extent to which other people suffer.... I honestly have lived a blessed life. I really have no room to complain about running a bad race.

Nothing to do with this post. I just like fish.

On day three, we learned about trust. For most of my life I've lived as a "lone wolf." And I realized it was a defense mechanism. I was putting myself in a position where I wouldn't have to lean on anyone. And that's a huge detriment to me. When you trust someone, and they trust you, the things you can accomplish together are astounding. A lot of the isolation I experience is self-imposed. And it's foolish. If I open myself to others, we can build trust, and improve many lives along the way. It's very scary, but very worth it.

Powerful lesson for me.

On the fourth day, we talked about dealing with conflict. And I learned a hard lesson about myself: I'm an avoider. I hate conflict. Most folks probably think that I face conflict head on, handle it, and move on. I don't fear conflict. But I actively avoid it. Largely because I don't like to hurt others. I've hurt so many people, that at this point I just prefer for others to have their way. But you can't move forward in a relationship if you just ignore things and never work through those conflicts. It's painful, but accepting conflict and working through it greatly strengthens your relationships.

It's important to discuss issues in relationships. Because if you don't, resentment builds. And just letting others always have their way doesn't work. Trust me it doesn't work. And it's not about "compromise". It's about collaboration. You can come out of a conflict with both of you feeling richer as a result. But it takes open and honest communication, without anger (that's the hard part).

Without going into too many details, at the end of day four we did an exercise that taught me my most personal lesson. I'm very competitive. When I succeed, I feel super great. But when I fail, it doesn't just make me feel bad.... It destroys me. And right after the exercise, I was really upset. And then I said to myself, wow, it's not the facilitator's fault I feel this way. It's my fault. I took things extremely personally. I allowed a setback to smash me directly at the core of my being.

I was blown away. I always knew that I pushed myself too hard. That I expected too much of myself. That I punished myself for even minor failures (as exemplified by the bad bout of overtraining syndrome I had very recently). That I take, just, everything, right to my soul. But this one exercise.... I was giddy with joy when I was doing well, and then 100% the opposite at the end. I was utterly crushed.

And I learned an extremely powerful lesson.

On day five we wrote down promises to ourselves. Goals we would work towards, with steps to pursue those goals. I made sure to write down the lessons I learned. It would be such a loss if I simply forgot and moved on. That would be easy to do. And it would be a huge waste. In just five days, I learned things that about myself that I've been struggling to figure out and work through over many years. I will never again have such a fantastic opportunity for self-improvement.

The above barely scratches the surface. There was lots of fun. Lots of laughing. Lots of emotional intimacy. Many many lessons. Everyone came away with different things. Shy folks gained the confidence to express themselves. Analytical folks learned to empathize with other people better. Followers became leaders. I had no problem expressing myself; I was the most boisterous of the bunch. My lesson was this: I have to stop hating myself every day, and start appreciating myself.

That's hard for me. It's vital for me.

Tomorrow morning I will run Wineglass marathon. I don't have a goal. I'm just running for fun with a bunch of awesome folks. It's been a long time since I've run simply for the joy of running. The last couple of weeks have been like that though. After the awfulness that was Via Marathon, I've simply let go of expectations. And as soon as I did that, running became fun again. I felt good again. Tomorrow will be a good day as well.

It took me forever to find this pond just 5 minutes from the lodge.