I'm quitting running

Sorry to disappoint you guys. I just realized that I totally hate running. Yesterday I ran 10 miles, and today I can barely walk. But yesterday I also drank beer, whiskey, and wine, and that was AMAZING. I remember when I used to just eat and drink whatever and whenever I wanted and how happy that made me. So I'm going back to that.

It worked pretty well.

EDIT: Obviously this was a joke (not the boozing part - the quitting running part). So quit slacking and get out there! I've got 22 miles planned on these sore legs for today.

Don't waste your time on guilt

I overheard two people talking earlier today.

One asked the other if she had gone running yesterday. The woman replied with an elaborate story about how she'd had to do a bunch of errands, giving excruciating detail about each errand. She said that by the time she got to the park to run, it was cold and dark, and - with much hand-wringing - decided not to run.

The only reason I can think of that her reply was anything other than a simple "no" is that she felt guilty about not having run.

Guilt is utterly pointless.

My friend Vadim asked me recently why guilt existed if it was such a useless emotion. It's an evolutionary trait. Guilt, and other negative emotions, helped our ancestors survive. When they did something that helped their survival, like eating food, they felt good. When they did something that hurt their survival, they felt bad.

Of course, back then, pretty much everything was a matter of survival. If you were lucky, you got to do a little procreating too (ahem). Today, survival is mostly a given. We don't run to help us evade sabertooth tigers. And if we flake on a run, we can get the good feelings we crave in other ways. We can get validation from our "friends" online, who tell us, "oh hunny, don't run in the dark. That's scary!" Or we just eat a giant chocolate cake and go to bed.

Running is a hobby. It's a great hobby, and a very healthful one. But we don't have to run. We can just take a bunch of pills for our diabetes and go about our day. We feel guilty for not exercising, but then we get our "fix" by complaining to our friends while eating chicken wings.

Don't waste your time on guilt. Either do something, or don't do it. That's it.

Don't get derailed by guilt.... Get it? Har har.

If you believe that running is good for you, then run. If you can't run, because you're injured or your car exploded, then don't run. If you want to run but don't feel like it, then run anyway. Don't rely on guilt to swoop in for the rescue. Don't rely on pizza and beer to take the emotional pain away.

I mean, I love pizza and beer. But to me it's a reward for hard work.

If you're thinking, "well running in a park after dark actually is dangerous," you're missing the point. She could have run on a treadmill. "What if she doesn't have a gym membership, you fool?" You ask. She could have run in her neighborhood, or somewhere else. "But what about the vicious dogs?" You gasp. Ummmm, okay.

I've run in place before, in my bathrobe. The point is that there's always an option other than flaking out.

Refusing to surrender to guilt is liberating. Guilt is stressful. It sucks. And I don't mean that you should just do (or not do) whatever you want and just not ever feel bad. What I mean is that you should always do the things that matter to you. Just do them. And then you won't ever feel bad. You'll feel super great instead.

I love feeling super great.

But it takes a while to shift into that mindset. Guilt is a reflex. Most of us are used to feeling guilty. We just take it for granted. And we have all sorts of mechanisms for dealing with it. Television, social media, food, booze, puppies, whatever.

In the beginning you have to acknowledge the guilt. You have to catch yourself every time you fall into that old pattern. It takes active work to break a habit and build a new one. You have to be conscientious of it, and hold yourself accountable for how you feel. When you feel guilty, don't go for the substitute fixes.

For example if you slept in late and missed your morning run, don't reach for the dopamine-glazed doughnut. Instead, pack your gear and run at lunch during work. Or tell your SO to make dinner for the kids, because you're going to need an hour after work to run. Or run in place in your bathrobe while watching Jessica Jones before bed.

Once you ditch the guilt, your life becomes one of action. You make goals for yourself, and you achieve them. Failing is no longer an option.

"Life of action. That's me."

Many of us feel like victims of guilt, and other negativity. We feel that it's not something you control. You try something, you fail, and then you feel bad. We think that's just how it works.

It doesn't.

You can learn from those mistakes. You can acknowledge that they happened, but not dwell on them. You just make a different plan. If you make a plan to lift weights every morning, but it starts to affect your work or sleep or something, don't just give up. I was lifting every morning before work during my Deadlift Challenge. After I finished the challenge I intended to continue lifting every morning.

But for a combination of reasons I wasn't able to. I was running more in preparation for my spring marathon. The winter months were cold and dark and it affected my energy. Daylight Savings time really screwed me. And I've been sick for almost a month straight. As you can see I have a ton of excuses.

But I chose not to feel guilty about it. I did get negative feelings. I acknowledged that I felt them. But I wasn't interested in wallowing in them. I wanted to get back to a healthy and positive place. So I changed my plan. I still get up every day before 6am. But now I alternate between lifting, and doing an online Udemy course. And that's been working. And I feel good about moving towards my goals.

If I had simply given up, it would have been easy to get into a negative pattern. My goals would have started to seem less attainable. I would have gotten discouraged. And my routine would have suffered. It would have been easy to get into a downward spiral.

But I chose to stay on the upward spiral. To ever greater success.

Aaaah. Feel that success.
Photo Cr. Pixie

Be Your Own Critic

I often see folks asking for advice online. They get burned out on running, and ask for tips on how to stay motivated. This usually goes a few ways.

Sometimes they will shoot down the responses with various excuses.

"Crosstraining? I don't like bicycling, or swimming, or lifting, or anything else."

"New music won't help. I can only run to Metallica, and they haven't come out with a new album in years."

"I can't run before work. Or after work. Or during work. Can you suggest any other time I can run?"

Sometimes they'll just say, "thanks for all the advice!" And then not do anything.

In both of these cases, they feel guilty, and are just posting so they can feel like they're doing something, even though they're not. At all. They're just wasting people's time.

On rare occasion, they'll ask for advice and then actually follow it. Maybe they have an injury, or some other legitimate reason they can't run, and need suggestions to work around it. They read the responses and then follow what works best. This is great, but doesn't happen too often.

"Get up and do something? I'm totally
going to do that.... later."

For the folks who actually do follow through, they had been intending to do so the whole time. Even though they may have asked for advice, their drive came from within. Nobody else made them run. And here's the crux.

You have to be your own worst critic.

When you ask for help from others, you're asking them to be your critic. You can't push yourself, so you're hoping someone else will be able to push you. But no amount of astute observations, pointed advice, or inspirational words will get you off the couch. Not permanently anyway.

I don't allow myself excuses. If I don't "feel" like running, because I'm tired, or sore, or don't have a lot of time, or whatever, I immediately acknowledge that the real reason is that I'm lazy. I don't allow myself guilt, because that's a cop out. People feel guilty in lieu of action. Guilt makes you feel good, in a perverse sort of way.

There is only doing it, or not doing it. Everything else is just fluff. If you don't run, it doesn't matter what you say. That fact is you're not running. Period. You can try to make yourself feel better about it. But no matter how justified you feel about not getting out the door, the fact remains that you're not getting yourself out the door.

Maybe you just need incentive.

You have to ignore the excuses, the justifications, the guilt and all the other junk that fills up your mind. Instead you have to be critical of yourself. What is the real reason I'm not willing to run? Or lift. Or go to class. Is it a good reason? No? Well then I just have to go and do it.

And that's hard. Doing something when you really don't want to is hard. And that's why you have to be such a harsh critic. You have to see through your own bullshit. You can't wait for someone else to come look at your bullshit and then tell you that it's bullshit. Nobody cares. If you want to be strong, healthy, happy, or successful, you have to do it for yourself.

It requires brutal honesty. All the time. It requires that you not allow yourself to quit. Ever. It requires that you push through all the lame excuses and just force yourself to work, no matter how trashed you feel. It requires you to be better than you are.

That's what a critic does. A critic points out all the flaws, ostensibly so you can fix them. Some critics are just a$$holes, and only want to cut things down. Don't be that kind of critic. Be the kind of critic who's harsh on yourself because you want to be better. And that's the goal.

Just treat yourself like a heavybag.

Be careful not to get into the trap of constantly abusing yourself without actually accomplishing anything. This is similar to guilt. Some folks will beat themselves up in order to make themselves feel better. This is just a recipe for low self-esteem. If you're criticizing yourself, but it's not helping your work harder, then you're not doing it right.

Being a good critic means giving honest and meaningful feedback. If I have the time to run, but I'm just tired, then that's not a good excuse to not run. I'll kick myself in the butt and get myself out the door. But if I pull a muscle and need a couple days to heal, then criticizing myself won't help. It'll just make me feel shitty. If I need to rest and heal, then that's OK. If I'm able to lift instead, that's even better.

Be your own worst critic. But also be your own best critic.

Sobriety Makes Me Slow

I'm actually going to write about two different things today. If the first half is boring, you can skip to the second thing. Or you can skip to the second thing, decide it's boring, and then go back to the beginning. Or you can just print out my blog, have your dog poop on it, then burn it. Just do that a safe distance from your nostrils.

Near the beginning of February I decided I was going to take a three week break from drinking. My problem was that because I was running so much, I felt I needed to make up for the calorie deficit (and carb load!) with booze. But then when I drank, I felt like I had to run more to make up for those calories.

This created an endless spiral of drinking and running.

I was drinking more because I was running. And then running more because I was drinking more. And so on. It was ridiculous. Either my liver was going to explode, or my legs. Or both. And that would have been extra messy.

I picked three weeks, because that would go right up until my half marathon in Hyannis, MA (spoiler alert for the second half of this post!). And I was totally committed to having a boozathon before the race.

Now, you may expect me to say that taking a break made me clear-headed, made me sleep better, and totally made me feel super healthy.

None of that happened.

Instead what happened is that my body suddenly had no carbs. Oh I ate. I ate a lot. And it wasn't all cauliflower and kale either. I about tripled my intake of epic desserts (which was amazing, FYI). But it wasn't enough. My body was totally sapped of glycogen. And my runs suddenly felt like I was swimming through molasses.

Apparently this makes me run faster.

And I didn't really notice any other appreciable difference, other than I didn't sleep as well. Something I realize was that I was exercising so much that I was pretty much cancelling out the ill effects of whatever trash I put in my body. For better or worse.

It DID help me run less, which was good, because I needed to taper for the half (which didn't help at all - more spoiler alert!). I'm glad I took the break. I needed to hit that reset switch. Plus I can actually enjoy drinking again. Being a two-beer-queer is a good thing.

Going forward I'm going to compromise. I have a plan that will have me drinking less, which will keep my mileage reasonable. But will still allow me to drown my sorrows a couple nights a week. That first night of beer in Hyannis, I told Geoffrey and his sexy-lady-runner-friend: "Holy heck I'm happy again!" And they were like, "thank gawd." Apparently I'd been really miserable the past three weeks.

Yes, I realize I've just thrown half a dozen warning signs of alcoholism at you. Throw me an intervention. Just bring a keg. And yes, I know I'm a terrible role model. That's why I don't write articles like, "5 ways to be extra fast and healthy!" Because I don't know shit. But, you know, maybe reading this will make you feel less bad about your life. Ahem.

So, second part. The Hyannis half marathon. I tapered... mostly. I swam and biked 3 days before the race, but that's low impact, right? I was going to carpool with Geoffrey, but the douche left a day early. It's over a 6 hour drive, and I hate driving. I listened to This American Life podcast. Maybe they should do an episode about masochists.

"Welcome to wherever. You're still hours from your destination."

I rewarded my survival of the trip with the most ludicrously massive "carb loading" dinner I've ever had. Actually, we had to wait for Geoffrey's lady friend to get home, so I pre-carb-loaded with a bunch of super hoppy beers. Which was genius. And then I ate about a Thanksgiving meal and a Christmas meal combined. We ordered 5 pizzas for us 3 adults and the thousand or so kids (I think 5, but I lose count past 1). There was a bag of mini donuts I promised myself I wouldn't touch. I ate almost the entire bag. I had two bowls each of - I believe - four different ice creams. Including some that apparently were 2 years old. Urp.

All told I ate about 5000 calories that night.

The next day (Saturday) we ran 3 easy miles. Then we went to Hyannis. We checked into our room (singular, wink wink). We went to the expo and got our bibs. We ate more food. The bill was over $160 for the 3 of us. High class! But delicious. Then we went to the pasta dinner. I only had beer and salad.

As if this makes ANY difference at this point.

But the whole point of the dinner was to hear some former Boston marathon champs speak: Bill Rodgers and Jacqueline Hansen. It was nice to see that despite all my running, I would (probably) live to at least 60. And of course Geoffrey and I got pics with Bill. What a great guy.

We will never ever be as fast as this guy.

Then Geoffrey and I stayed up way too late drinking Miller Lite. Usually a few beers the night before is exactly what I need, but this time...

Leading up to the race, I had been telling my friends that I was totally going to bomb. I do this so that if I do run badly, I can say, "see? told ya so." And then if I run well, I can say, "wow, what a surprise!" And then enjoy their scathing looks. Actually, I do this in many areas of my life, and have been told that it's a super obnoxious habit.

As the starting time approached, I actually began to get excited. The weather was great. It was going to be windy, but I thought, "bah, that's just air.... moving." I had a banana, put on my kilt, and was ready to nuke the race. My goal was to run it in under 1:30. My previous half marathon PR was 1:32. Easy, right?

The crowd of runners at the starting line was huge. I got into the 7 minute/mile corral, because everyone behind me had to see my kilt. And we were off! The first 3 miles I averaged 6:45 per mile and thought, "yessss, I'm totally going to do this."

Then the wheels fell off.

They didn't just fall off. They got blown into the ocean. Then eaten by a shark.

When I still thought I was doing well.

At 3 miles I turned into the wind. It was like trying to run through a glob of cheese (I already used the molasses simile). At the same time, my hamstring - which has been bothering me for a month (which booze totally would have healed, I'm sure) - began hurting abominably. My gait got really wonky. Every mile after those first three got significantly slower.

It was torture. I had never had such a bad half marathon (even worse than this one: I had an Awful Race and that's OK). I honestly thought my legs would break permanently. And considering that I'm typing this in bed because I had to take work off, that's not even that far off. For 95% of the race, I was committed to being a miserable asshole the rest of the day. But right at the end, for some reason, I decided, "screw it, I'm going to be cheerful." It was pretty arbitrary actually.

On the plus side, I did hear a lot of salacious comments about my kilt minus shirt combo. Maybe my ego got stoked enough to put me in a better mood. I felt like death but at least I looked good. Vanity wins in the end.

Apparently everyone had a slow race that day because of the wind. And comparing this race to my first half marathon from last year, it was faster. Bill Rodgers had said that the first race after the winter was always rough. Maybe my legs just needed this reminder that I intend to batter them for the rest of the year. But first, I'm going to lie in bed and eat my mom's cookies.

"Is this my medal for lounging
around all day? Thanks!"

Health and Fitness is Simple if...

Another clickbait title! Don't worry, it's not a list article.

For the past three weeks, I've been taking a free yoga class. Yoga is pretty low on my list of activities I would go out of my way to do. But if it's free and it's convenient, sign me up!

I didn't even think about it. I'm always looking for opportunities to improve my health and well-being. So when this class came up, I pounced on it like it was cheesecake.

You know who wasn't happy and excited? Almost everyone else. Apparently.

And this made absolutely no sense to me. In fact I've been downright disappointed just thinking about it. The class is free. And without revealing too many details, the time and location are very very convenient. And yet, out of the folks who signed up for it, only 2/3 showed up for the first two classes, and only 1/3 showed up for the third class. Soon it's going to be just me and the instructor (who's awesome).

The only thing I can think of is that health is not a priority for most other folks, even if they claim it is. And here's the theme for the post.

Health and fitness is simple if it's your life.

My life includes clean teeth. Brushing my teeth is simple. My life includes eating and living in a warm house. Going to work is simple. And my life includes being healthy and fit. So eating intelligently and exercising every day is simple.

Simple.... but boring.

Now I didn't say easy. I said simple. Exercise is hard. Getting up early in the morning is hard. But the choice to do so is simple. I don't have to think about it. It's automatic. Excuses never enter into the equation.

But if it's not a part of your life - if it's not a priority - then you have to think about it every time. You have to decide to do it. And then your brain barfs up a thousand excuses not to do it. Your brain is awesome at making excuses. And I get it. The mind is a big obstacle for most people. A big lazy obstinate obstacle.

I try not to be judgmental. But I totally am. And I get disappointed when I see the attendance in a free fitness class dwindle. It's one thing to get up at 6am to lift weights. Or to run 15 miles in the snow. You have to build up to that level of crazy. Because even my brain tends to say, "whoa there buddy, at least eat a banana before you do that." But when the entry level is so low.... It befuddles me.

For the folks for whom the yoga class was available, going to the class would've been really easy. But not going to the class was even easier. If you have no good reason or strong desire to do it, you're going to pick the easiest option. Without thinking about it. But thinking about it isn't the solution. The solution is that - without thinking - you pick the healthy/active option. That has to be your default.

Because for me, going to the class is easier than not going. Maybe not physically. But the stress and guilt and just general shittiness I would experience for flaking out on it is not worth it. I have vacation days and sicks days I can use if I don't feel like going to work. But I'd feel bad for flaking out on work, so I go to work. Most people do. Work is a priority for most folks. And you can "enjoy" the same benefits if you make exercise a priority. Those benefits being an intense self-loathing if you skip a workout.

"Hooray, I don't loath myself today!"

Of course, the rewards from work are obvious. You get money so you can buy ice cream, talking toasters, and food for your cat so she doesn't bite your eyeballs. The rewards from exercising aren't as immediate. They take a lot longer to achieve.

But when you were younger, you didn't give a shit about work. Your parents bought you Super Mario Brothers and lollipops. If someone said, "hey, go do some work", it would be as if they'd said, "go eat that dead squirrel in the road." It doesn't even make sense to you to do work for no reason. Some parents are tricky. They might say, "if you don't do some work, we won't give you ice cream after dinner." But then you eat dinner, and you cry, and they give you ice cream anyway. Who cares.

At some point, you had to decide that work was a priority. Sure, you see everyone else working, so it's probably important. But you see a lot of other people exercising. There's always some a$$hole running on the street in the snow after dark. You might even swerve to splash them with salt and sludge. One day you realized that getting a job was a matter of survival. Your brain sucks at everything, but one thing it's amazing at is surviving. All of its whiny excuses fly out the window. "I don't care how tired you are! We need to kill that rabbit now!"

"I'd like to kill a rabbit please."

You can't exercise just for the heck of it. It's not like blowing the dust of that Super Mario cartridge to relive your youth (and being disappointed). Exercise has to be at the top of your list, along with water, shelter and chocolate cake. The kind of trickery your parents used on you in your youth, you have to use on yourself. You have to trick your brain into believing that beating yourself up every day is somehow vital to staying alive.

Nobody else will do this for you. You're not a kid anymore. There's never going to be an easy and obvious way to get healthy and to get fit. A lot of people wait around for love, success, health, and happiness to drop into their laps. Because when they were young, those things did drop into their laps, in the form of macaroni and cheese and video games with plumber protagonists. And every new thing they're forced to do for themselves, they don't do it without kicking and screaming and whining the whole way. We hate having something and then having it taken away. And we all want all of the things. But don't want to do anything to get those things.

This guy doesn't even want to close his fuel cover.
"Let the world burn," he says. Probably.

We're assholes. But not on purpose. Again, blame our lousy brains. We evolved from monkeys who stole bananas and mates when the other monkeys looked away for a second. Thankfully, we do have the ability to step beyond our limitations. Over and over. It's hard at first. It's scary. But the more you do it, the more it becomes a part of your life.

Soon, limitations stop being limitations so much as "the next challenge."

They become opportunities to grow, to become stronger, to become amazing.

You begin to relish those limitations. Because when you pulverize your way through the next one, you'll feel that much more proud of yourself.

And you'll be eager for the next challenge.

For some people, that next hurdle is a 3 hour marathon, or a 500 pound deadlift. For some, it's working up the motivation to go to a free yoga class 50 feet away. But whatever it is, only you can make yourself do it. But it's oh so worth it. Your parents may have told you as much, and you didn't believe them. It's something you can discover only for yourself.

"I think I may have too many limitations..."

Commitment is Freedom

I haven't written about Pixie in a while. But I spent yesterday evening with her, pigging out on brussel sprouts and tacos, and it made me realize something.

It's vital that I have things in my life that I love and value.

For a large part of my life, I was obsessed with the idea of personal freedom. Of being able to do whatever I wanted without being tied down by any obligations. I thought freedom meant not having something I valued so much that I'd feel beholden to it.

I was wrong.

A person living on the street is totally "free". But they're not happy. Being free is not enough. And it doesn't automatically fill your life with joy and fulfillment. What I really want is spiritual freedom. The freedom to constantly push myself to ever greater levels of happiness and personal success. But this requires hard work. It requires responsibility. It requires personal accountability.

All of those things sound like the opposite of being free. But honestly, what I thought of as freedom was actually fear. Because once you commit yourself to something - or someone - and start holding yourself accountable, you introduce the risk of failure.

"I don't know the meaning of the word failure.
No. Literally, I don't know what it means."

Failure is scary. Failure makes you feel like less of a person. But failure is an unavoidable part of life. Without failure, you can't have success. Without failure, you can't have growth. If you never fail, it means you're sitting in one place. And you will die in that place. That, to me, sounds actually like a trap. A trap of complacency and risk aversion.

Many people are trapped. They may think they're free, but they spend that freedom watching television and eating potato chips. The thought of pushing themselves past their comfort zones is terrifying. The world is truly immense, beyond any of our comprehensions. And opening yourself up to it is overwhelming. It's easier to just close the blinds and convince yourself that you've got everything figured out and that there's nothing else left.

But there is so much.

You don't need to explore everything. You don't need to learn everything. You don't need to do everything. You only have to pick one thing that you value more than anything else in your life. And that one thing will bring a great deal of purpose and meaning to your life.

I consider myself truly blessed, for I have many things in my life that I love and value that give me a massive sense of meaning and pride. I have many things that constantly push me - through pain and hardship - to continue growing into a healthier, happier, and more successful individual.

I run.

I lift.

I write.

I teach.

I create art.

And I have Pixie.

My brother, silently judging us.
Also, that's how her face really looks.

 There's still a part of me that wants to escape. Every day it nags at me.

"Exercise sucks up so much of your time and energy. You're always exhausted. Just stop doing it and you can do literally whatever you want."

"Stop writing. Nobody reads what you write. It's just vanity. You're spewing arrogant nonsense. Just watch Netflix instead."

"Why are you shooting photos? Why are you drawing? Nobody appreciates it except for you. You're stupid."

"Relationships are hard. They always end in pain. You don't deserve Pixie. You would both be better off if you left. Why are you wasting her time with your bullshit?"

Abandoning all the things I cherish wouldn't make me more free. It would make me a coward. It would make me weak. It would mean giving up on my dream of a better life. It would mean giving up on all my goals.

I have to accept the challenges. The pain. The insecurity. The failure. Because when I conquer them, I become stronger. And when I become stronger, I can take on more challenges. It's a hyperbolic curve that leads to an amazing life. But hyperbolic curves start flat and stay nearly flat for a long time before they hit that huge upswing.

A hyperbolic curve, in case you're not a math magician.

Thankfully I've gotten used to that cowardly whiny voice in my head that just wants to give up. Every morning, when I drag my exhausted body out of bed while it's still dark out, I tell that voice to quit its bitching and I go lift. Every time I look at the weather before I run and that voice says, "you will literally die if you go outside!" I punch it in the face and go outside. Every time it tells me not to waste my time and energy with whatever I'm about to do, I kick it off a cliff and get to work.

That voice is especially vocal when it comes to Pixie. Running is one thing. I run and then I'm done and I can eat cheesecake. But I can't hang out with Pixie for an hour and say, "whelp, that was good times. Bye." She is somebody I plan on keeping in my life for a long time. Is that selfish? Probably. But love is inherently selfish. You want love in your life because it makes you feel good. But you don't get it for free. You earn it.

Being free to do whatever you please isn't inherently empowering. Sure I can drink whiskey whenever I darn please. But that doesn't do anything for me other than turn my liver into kimchi. Conquering fear is empowering. Defeating challenges is empowering. Doing something you never thought you'd be able to do is empowering. That's freedom. Anyone can drink whiskey. But very few folks can run a 3 hour marathon. Or deadlift 500 pounds. Or have an amazing relationship with an amazing individual that brings joy to both of you.

I'm going to have an amazing
relationship with this beer.

A lot of folks don't know how amazing their lives can truly be. It doesn't make sense to them to put a lot of hard work into something when they don't know what the rewards are. In the beginning, you have to take a leap of faith. You have to trust that those folks who choose to beat themselves up and drench the floor in sweat every day are on to something. Or maybe they're just crazy.

I definitely seem crazy to a lot of people. If you can't appreciate the rewards, the pride, and the kind of success you can find by constantly pushing yourself, it just looks like masochism. And it's true, a lot of my blog suggests that I'm unhappy with myself, or that if I even hate myself. But it's how I trick myself into punishing myself every day. Because I'm at a point where I've accomplished a lot and have had many successes. So I know how much more it's possible for me to achieve! And when I compare the now me to the future me, then of course I fall short!

But that future-me is just waiting for now-me to catch up to him. And that's exciting. And hopefully, if I'm not too much of an asshole, Pixie will be waiting for me there too.

Ending the post with some pretty shit.

Want More Motivation?

I've written before that you don't need motivation to exercise. And that you don't need energy. Motivation is a fickle mistress that will let you down when you need it most.

But, motivation is an ethereal concept. Like love.

I mean, do I love my cat? Or do I just feel responsible for her because I picked her up from the Pet Adoption center in a moment of loneliness and now I have to keep her alive. Because not alive is bad. I believe I love her, at least when she's not eating my flesh. But she's just a wad of fluff that eats, poops, and lazes about all day. So who can say for sure. She's getting pretty fat too, and I'm a harsh judge of that sort of thing. Maybe I'll show her my blog.

"The more you talk about me, the lonelier you sound."

Some would say that I'm very motivated. I get up at 6am every day to lift weights. After working all day I then run. At least 50 miles a week. And I write and teach and pursue many hobbies and spend time with people I love (or at least I want them to be alive, like my cat). I'm always busy, usually to the detriment of getting sufficient sleep.

On Monday morning I got up at 4:45am and ran 8 hilly miles. Some would argue you have to be pretty frickin' motivated to do that. In fact I was supposed to run with two other friends. It was their idea actually. But when I pounded obnoxiously on their door in the middle of the night, they strangely changed their minds. So maybe motivation DOES matter.

Alright, so for the sake of this post, how do you build that motivation?

You train it!

Motivation is a muscle. You lift weights to get stronger. You run to get faster and farther. You.... type, to get better at, um, computering. Motivation is the same. If you don't practice at it, you lose it. But if you exercise it every day, you'll get more of it.

"I've got plenty of muscle already."

We humans only have a finite amount of motivation per day. Once you run out, that's it. You're fried. All you can do is stare at a small screen while colors and sounds drown your senses. Even that sometimes is too hard, and you stare at a wall, wishing blissful unconsciousness would sweep you away. This is often the point where my cat demands my attention, giving me all the indications that she will drop dead if I don't give it to her, right away. But I digress.

Most people want to be fit and healthy. But most people also want things, like, now. So what often happens is they make a huge and sudden change. They make a resolution to go to the gym every single day, or to eat only crackers and water chestnuts. But going from zero to superhero in a single day is impossible. You will tap out that small supply of motivation instantly. And before long you're back to exercising your arm lifting the remote control and "dieting" on pizza and ice cream.

If you want to build a stronger chest, you can't jump from benching 100 pounds to 300 pounds in one day. You have to increase the weight incrementally. And if you want to build more motivation, so too do you have to push it in small steps. I know, if you decide you want to lose 50 pounds, cutting out soda and walking a mile a day seems almost pointless. But that's where it starts. And that small step is easy. After that you cut out cookies, and walk two miles. After a while you cut out all processed sugar, and start running. Sure, you won't lose those 50 pounds in a month, but you will make sustainable changes. You will change your lifestyle. You will change your identity.

"Your hard work is dumb!"

I didn't go from hanging out on a couch all week to exercising over 10 hours a week overnight. If I tried that I would have broken in half, and then given up. It took me about 6 months to lose 40 pounds. It took me a few years to run a good marathon (not counting my first one that almost killed me). It's taken me almost half my lifetime of lifting weights to get to my routine today.

To a lot of people, "years" is a dirty word. Even "months" sounds waaaay too long. That's why so many advertisements say, "lose weight in seven days!" Even though they're total lies. But that's what folks want. Fast. Easy. Suffer for a week, become a Greek god, then be done, forever. Unfortunately sculpting your body isn't like building a birdhouse. You don't need to add curtains or solar panels to the birdhouse. The birds don't care.

Most folks want the easy way out. They sign up for fad diets and exercise routines because they sound fast, fun, and easy. They want to do things that don't require motivation. Unfortunately you will make zero progress that way. Being told that one must spend months eating healthy and working hard every day though is not appetizing at all. You wouldn't sell nearly as many eBooks or DVDs if you told the truth.

However, if you train your motivation, those challenges become a lot more palatable. Running for an hour isn't a big deal to me. Getting up at 6am is normal now. Eating within my calorie budget is automatic for me. But all of those things used to seem like insurmountable challenges! Running just one mile used to be very hard. Getting up in the morning used to be awful; I would get up literally 5 minutes before I had to be out the door for work (do I brush my teeth or put on my pants? Aaaarg!). And trying to lose weight was always a struggle.

All of those things are totally normal for me now.

"I'm totally normal too!"
Pictured: Brother Alex

I don't magically need less sleep now. My body's metabolism hasn't suddenly improved. An hour of exercise is still an hour of exercise. So what's changed? My threshold for how much I can do - the limit of my daily motivation - is much higher now than it used to be. Because I've been training it every day, the same way that I've been training my body. Something that used to be a great effort in the past seems much less so today.

The challenges haven't become less challenging. I've just become better at defeating challenges.

You can achieve any goal you desire. Not in one day. Not in one week. Probably not in one month. Maybe not even in one year. But you can. And if you think that's too long to have to wait, just think. If you had started running, or lifting, or... computering, a year ago today, where would you be now? Looking forward, it seems like a long time. But look back at how much of your life has already passed by, and how different it would be now if you had spent that time differently. Suddenly a year doesn't seem like such a big deal.

"Maybe I just have to speed up my watch..."

So, a year from now, do you want to be exactly where you are today? Or do you want to be kicking ass and feeling proud of yourself.